I Need to Lose Weight!!

UGH! IT'S SO NICE OUT!
I'm about to go out and eat with my high school friend that I haven't seen since my senior year!

BUT I CANNOT PICK OUT WHAT TO WEAR! I know that sounds childish, but seriously... I've GAINED WEIGHT. I feel so lazy. My hair is still shit due to the perm. Everything I want to wear is going to look bad because of the fat I've been gaining! And now I don't even feel like putting on make up properly because this is all just bothering me!

So before I continue with my drama part ii, I'm going to rant a bit because it's really, REALLY bothering me!!

I was always a bit fat, especially when I got into 5th grade, damn I was fat. I was so self-conscious about it that I always wore a sweater in 5th, 6th and 7th grade. But as I got older, I would slowly, REAL slowly, lose some weight. The pace started to pick up as I got into high school. And then the summer before my senior year in high school, I worked out a lot and watched what I ate so that I could look a bit more decent for when I go to Korea for my first time.

I want to lose weight and do this...

When I got to Korea, I actually lose more weight since I was always walking outside and even though I ate more than ever, the food is like healthier there or something so I still lost weight. And it was so hot there that sweating also helped. So I was around 123~126 lbs during then... Which was the lowest I weighed for my height, which is about 5'4''. But that's still considered FAT to me. But I still felt good about myself.

Then when I went back to school, I started gaining again, not too much, but I still did. I don't work out and stress made me eat a lot too. But then we went to Korea again for that summer, and again, I lost weight and the same exact thing happened as the first time I went to Korea.

College changed a lot of things.... So when I first went into college, I weighed almost 140 lbs!!! THAT'S INSANE!!! I was so stressed out by then and unhappy for some personal reasons... BUT WITHIN 2 1/2 MONTHS, I LOST A TON OF WEIGHT. I walked around everyday (well duh the campus is huge) and the food was shit, so I really watched what I ate.The lowest I weighed was 118 lbs! But I was usually about 120~123 lbs. I felt so confident that I wore so many clothes that never had fit me.

I want to wear dresses now! But I can't...

But then I started to gain a bit again because I started to get used to the food and went up to around 128 lbs. But It was finals week and stress makes you eat like crazy.

So now that I'm home, I've been gaining again. And now I've gained more, I don't even want to check, and I just look and feel like crap... THIS IS BAD!!!

I even  made a bet with a friend of mine. I told him that my goal was to weight 115 in 2 months, so by the middle of July. Then he made it into a bet and said that if I get to 115 by then, he'd treat me to Bon-Chon Chicken. But then he said that if I could stay that way by the end of the YEAR, he'd treat me to 2 meals (LOL). And of course I made him bet, that if he could gain  muscle by the end of the year, I'd buy him 2 meals too.

That DID motivate me a bit. And I just got out of college, so all was going well.

NOT ANYMORE!!! I've become lazier because there is nothing to do and I still don't have a job... (I'll talk about that soon!)

BUT I HAVE A PLAN ON HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT!!
This is how I will lose weight by mid-July!

I WILL LOOK GOOD ON THE STREETS!!!

1. Eat 2 main, not too stuffing, meals and DO NOT INDULGE! Avoid multiple sugary snacks. Once in a while is okay. Fruits are the best though!

2. MOVE. If not work out, do housework like vacuum the entire house or clean the bathroom (seriously, housework makes you sweat! Especially if you're cleaning after other people....). Like during college, I NEVER WORKED OUT, yet I still managed to lose 10+ lbs. Do not just sit around in front of the computer!

3. Check weight every day. It really motivates you if you see that you lost 0.3 lbs hahaha

4. Try to remember what you ate for the entire day. This  is just to make sure you're not eating too much.

5. LOOK AT PICTURES OF SEXY PEOPLE! It motivates you!

I this this swim wear is really cute... It would look good if you had a summer body like her!

Okay. Time to start my weight-losing program to get that summer body....... AFTER I EAT LUNCH WITH MY FRIEND!

I PROMISE I WILL GET MY BON CHON CHICKEN!!!! I WILL BE SO PROUD OF IT THAT I'LL TAKE PICTURES!!!!!

Guys I have liked

After posting and re-reading Why Do I Attract Guys That I DON'T LIKE, I realized that many things happened/changed with the situations I mentioned in there and I also want to update with those soon (*laughs away*). I also realized that I really should mention who I did used to like because that post made me seem like an extremely picky person who will just never find someone remotely good enough for me.

I promised myself sometime ago that I would post about guys that I HAVE actually LIKED before too. So here's proof!

Couple pic for your eyes

One of the guys (D1) that I liked went to my church a lot, but we've never talked to each other because we just had very different group of friends. And he was also a fob, so there was a bit of language barrier there. 

The very first time I talked to him was during a winter church retreat. There was like a mini game room where people just chilled and played ping pong. I saw D1 playing and I got a really bad impression of him at first because this girl told me that he get's too competitive with games and that he was secretly a jerk. But I didn't care at all.

The next day of the retreat, I ended up playing pool with a bunch of friends and D1 joined eventually. When I saw him I was like, "oh it's the tall jerkface" and just did  my thing. But then after playing and watching a couple rounds, I started to get a different impression of him. He helped the younger guys play pool better and played the guitar as he was waiting for his turn and stuff. I joked around and said that he sucked at pool, and then all of a sudden he got up in my face and jokingly said something like "yo you don't know how I play" and because I got a real close up look, I realized that he was a lot cuter than I thought. He had small eyes (I find that very cute!), he was really tall and skinny (I used to like skinny, not anymore lol) and he was really funny.

About two weeks after the retreat, I can confidently say that he was interested in me, at least in being good friends :p

One day, we were both waiting at my church to go to a Super Bowl party after service (it was a party with our entire youth group, not a beer fest type of thing). Since most people went home already or to the party, D1 and I started to talk. Even though my sister and a friend was with us, we did most of the talking. And when I look back at this, I have to admit, we were flirting here and there, I won't get into that (hahahaaaaaa). When I had to leave he was like, "I'll see you at the party". 

And we see each other at the party and instead of watching the Patriots play, we went off and talked some more and played card games with others. But when we were playing card games, he wanted me on his team all the time and taught me how to play, even though I already told him that I knew how to play.... teehee I could see where he was going with that.

Anyway, after that, we continued to talk, but after TWO Sundays, all of a sudden he tells me that he's moving back to Korea the NEXT DAY! There was a family situation and because he's a home-stay kid he had to go back. And GUESS WHAT?!?! I COULDN'T EVEN SAY BYE TO HIM (important situation came up...). 

THE END. THAT'S IT. NO CONTACT. Sad story really.... And this all happened during my sophmore year in high school. 

After stalking for a bit. D1 is now in California. And he looks very different. Better looking because he gots the muscle now hehehe. oh well I've moved on!

Ulzzang couple. I could be like this picture RIGHT NOW... if I had a man lol

And now let's move on to the other guy that I liked, which I shall call D2. D2 also went to my church, but the first day he came in, my eyes just WOULDN'T CLOSE. He was a lot taller than D1, a lot more stylish, and a hell of a lot better looking. And every Sunday, I would see him walk by and I'd just stare.

He didn't go into the youth service, but to the adult service, and that's how I knew that he was a fob. And one Sunday, I saw him walk past by me and my mom and then all of a sudden, MY MOM TALKED TO HIM. NO. not just talk to him, but touch his face and treat him like a kid, as she does with most guys that she knows, and D2 would say hi politely and chat for a bit and then leave. WTF MY MOM KNOWS HIM?!?!

By the way, he kinda has a Jung Yong Hwa or SE7EN look/style to him. 

SE7EN is so fine. And funny thing, D2 has this hairstyle at the moment LOL

ANYWAY, I asked my mom immediately how she knew who he was and she was like, OH he's my friend's son. His name is _____. And apparently, D2 was the younger brother of this girl that I was becoming friends with AND he lived RIGHT IN FRONT of our family friend's house that we went over often! Those have stories behind that, and I'll explain quickly. So there was this new girl named F and damn she had curves lol. She dressed really well and she was really pretty. We were getting friendlier as she went to the youth group services, unlike her brother. But one day we went to our friend's house for a housewarming party and I thought I saw her there, but I didn't bother because I was doing my own thing. But the Sunday after that night,  F came up to me and was like, "Oh Steph, were you at that party?" And I was. "OH! I wasn't sure which is why I didn't come up to you because I didn't want to seem awkward. If I knew it was you I'd bring you over to my house, which is right across the street!" And we were about to get each other's numbers so that we could chill in the future, but this asshole interrupted and BOOM never really talked to her again.

So yeah after that I learned that D2 was F's brother and I could've been good friends with her and then somehow get to know her brother more. Plus I found out that they were SUPER RICH, not that money matters, but I mean.... Their house is over $2 million in a really nice town in MA. Plus, he's apparently really smart and his dad is some big businessman in Korea. And his mom is really pretty and super nice for a ahjumma. sighhh, and my mom was friends with her.

D2 also brought his friends over to church once. He goes to a boarding school and because he's really nice, he brings his friends over once in a while to his house (because they got the extra space lol) and gives them like Korean food and stuff since his friend's family all live in Korea. What a kind guy huh? Anyway, when he and his friends came to my church, it was like having a boy band come in. They were all REALLY GOOD LOOKING AND STYLISH. Seriously... It's like having Big Bang, DBSK, CNBLUE, Beast, 2PM, B1A4 etc. etc. just walk into some small dingy church... I was amazed.

How would you feel if you saw a group of guys that resembled CN Blue just walk in right in front of you?
HUH?!?! Again, let me emphasize this, D2 really resembles Jung Yong Hwa!

We also went to a retreat together and luckily D2 and I were in the same small group, so we were able to chill for a bit there and get to know each other a little more. But he really preferred to speak Korean, but we were still chill. We also played games together and told funny stories, hehehe.. I remember.

And the Sunday's after that, D2 started to go to the youth services, and DAMN he changed his hairstyle and put more effort in how he dressed since you're a bit limited to how you dress in church retreats. My mind just blew.

But eventually, the entire family just stopped coming... They went back to their own church. My interest in him died obviously because the language barrier was kinda intense and we just never hung out (It KILLS me to know that I COULD HAVE through F but that thing was ruined...).

Now, he has a girlfriend that's OLDER than him and she goes to MIT?!?!?! Damn I was no match anyway lol

Besides I was fatter then lolololol I'm muuuch better now, therefore, I can find better guys right?

But isn't it nice to know that there are guys that look like ^THAT^ and aren't celebrities, but living pretty close to you? Damn, my first love better be worth it!! lololol I CAN DREAM RIGHT?!?!

So there you go, two guys that I have perviously liked, and they both ended pretty badly. Good things come out of the bad right? And third time's the charm right? hehe We shall seee~~~

Digital Perm... DON'T GET IT (unless you're in Asia)

AHHHHH I'M DONE WITH MY FRESHMEN YEAR!!!!!!

I HAVE SO MUCH TO SHARE ABOUT THE LAST NIGHT of my first year in college!
Plus the bad times.... and even more good time. But that will come later as I organize my thoughts and my blog since I still want to change some things about it. Besides, I also broke my camera, so yeah... I need to fix that problem.


Anyway to the main point..


So on May 5th, I was home to take a break from studying for finals that was coming up and I really wanted to do something different with my hair. The red hair that I had before like in the previous post, I Dyed My Hair... AGAIN, went away... This was actually the first time that color had faded dramatically for me. Now my hair looks like a dark brown now.


After experiencing a reddish hair color, my overall opinion on it: Don't dye your hair a reddish color unless you're in Korea and with a professional hair stylist. They're just that good and their products are just 100000 times better than the box stuff.


Like I said, I wanted to do something new with my hair. It's really long now - I can officially say that it's right below my boobs. But because it's long now, the natural waves and curls that I had in my hair were kinda too loose because of the overall weight of my hair. So I lost volume and it looked a lot straighter, not because it was getting unhealthy or anything, my hair was still really soft! My bangs are also getting really long, but I want to grow it out. I need to look my age now and not just some young girl with the bangs. I want to look more mature and sexier you know? lol 


And I eventually found out what I wanted. I still want my bangs to grow out and I want to keep my long hair so I can do many different styles with it. BUT I ALSO WANTED to have nice,natural looking, big curls without having to blow dry or curl my hair all the time. And digital perms were the answer! 

Very natural looking and bouncy

These curls are smaller, but it still looks pretty!

So this is before and after, Even though these curls look a little more "rough", it still looks sexy to me!!

I honestly wanted any of those above looks and more, you can look at them online really and get a good sense. Digital perms also cost from anywhere from $100 to $200 (possibly even more, but I'm not too sure) depending where you go and how long your hair is.

I was getting really excited and called the lady that I go to all the time, and she even gave me a discount. She only charged me the price for short hair, which was $130. Oh and an important note, she gave me the "biggest curls".

So the process was kinda annoying. basically you need to have wet hair and then it's wrapped around to make the curls and then hooked up to this heat machine. The total process about about one hour for me.

Then she takes everything out and washes the chemicals out and dries my hair. 


As I look into the mirror, I could only put on a fake smile. 


WHAT DA FACK?!?!?!?! MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!! I DID NOT get the "biggest curls". They were FRICKIN SMALL ASS CURLS and SO NOT NATURAL LOOKING. I mean the lady is Korean too... shouldn't she have known what kind of hair I wanted?!?!




WHY DID MY HAIR HAVE TO GO FROM THIS:

My hair was so soft and long, little curls/waves still existed...

Looks more straighter as I said before

TO SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

Seriously, my hair looked like a frizzy gypsy lady...


I don't and will not have any pictures of my hair after the perm. I wanted to cry when I got home. My hair had so many fake looking and ugly curls! I didn't want anyone to see me. And what was worse is that my hair GOT MURDERED. It wasn't soft anymore and it just felt gross, even after taking a shower and using hair packs to treat it... And the split ends got SO MUCH WORSE. And because my hair was dyed, it looked more dead than ever before.


The only good thing was that my bangs weren't touched (I didn't let the lady touch it) and digital perms don't curl the first third - the first half of your hair since it's SUPPOSED to look natural like in the pictures above. 


It's been about a week and a half since my disastrous perm, and it'd gotten a little better thanks to MY hair care skills. 


What did/do I do now? I use the same shampoo and conditioner as I always use before since it's good stuff. But I leave the conditioner in my hair longer than what I would usually do because my hair needs to soak up the goodies. And every other day or so, I use a hair pack, like keratin formulated conditioner for my hair so that it feels softer. After I take a shower, you can still see the gross gypsy lady curls. But I brush it straight and then tie it into a bun and then wait for it to dry a little and then go to sleep. When I wake up, my hair feels much better and the curls look more natural.


As of NOW, it doesn't look as dead and the color doesn't look as burned as before. It's also gotten softer. But the curls are still there.... And unfortunately, I have to cut it soon! I can't completely get rid of the traces of the gypsy lady curls and I can always tell that it's not as soft as it can be... I REALLY WANT even LONGER hair, but I just can't... And NO WAY can I dye it anytime soon. Although I was about to dye it a bright orange color soon. 

Like the middle girl

Hyuna's color!... Sigh... the curls...

Bit too orange, but I only have one life :)

I just wanted a new hair change. And the digital perm fucked me over...


After experiencing the perm, my overall opinion... DON'T EVER GET IT!!! Unless you want to look like a  gypsy lady OR if you're in Asia (especially Korea) where the pros REALLY know how it's done.