I'm 20 now... uhhhhhh

Yesterday, July 21, was the official mark of my 20th birthday.

Strangely, I know two couples that also got married yesterday. I always knew that the date 7/21 was always special and nice sounding/looking lol.

Unfortunately, I was way too tired to do anything because I took some of the girls out to the aquarium and watched the new Batman movie the night before. I got up really late and just couldn't move, so I just stayed home, cleaned my room, and did a lot of thinking.

I thought that now that I'm finally 20, I need to make some changes to myself:

1. I need to let go of many things. So I threw away A LOT of stuff. I had too many random things that I cherished when I was like in middle school. I want to just have the important things still with me, you know, the things that can define you. And letting go doesn't only apply to the physical; I'm also going to try to let go of a lot of hard feelings that I have. That's going to be really tough.... But it'll be worth it in the end.

2. Be super proactive. I plan to make another blog post about this because I have a lot to say about this. It's pretty self-explanatory anyway.

3. Save more money. I can't rely on my parents forever. I have to face life because it's going to come sooner than I think. I mean, I have only a few more years from now until I'm going to move out.

4. Become more polite. That makes me sound like I'm some kind of rude and arrogant bitch to others but it's not like that! But the night of my birthday, my mom and I were talking and I was telling her how I'm really polite and kind to others, especially strangers, people at work, my dentist, etc, and leave really good impressions. But when it comes to my own family and to a lot of the ahjummas at my church, it's so easy for me to come out as seemingly rude. I admitted that I had that problem to my mom. I explained it was because with our family, it's SO EASY to just be outspoken and argue. And with church, because I believe a lot of the ahjummas already judge me of being a party girl, unintelligent, and or rude, it's so hard for me to just insa (greet) them with a genuine smile. And when they're doing things like cleaning or moving things, instead of automatically going over to help, I just pretend that I'm busy. Seems pretty bad now that I have it typed out haha, but it's really subtle things that probably they don't even care about. But if I start being more polite to my own family and the ahjummas, maybe I'll just feel a little better about myself. 

I think if I just work on those four things, I'll be okay. I'm freakin 20 now. I want to act and look my age now.

I want to make that impression to others and have them say behind my back, "oh, I can't believe she's just in her early 20's!" in that tone where they're shocked that this pretty and innocent looking girl is actually very mature and has the whole world in her grasp is right in front of them. I don't know, it sounds silly, but it's a little fantasy of mine.

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Another thing I wanted to address was my disappointment. I know that it's not the number of "happy birthday" posts, texts and stuff is what counts, but just have the people that you're close to just even remember that it's your birthday. I'm the kind of person that doesn't even care about their own birthday. I've never had a party, even when I was in kindergarten (mostly because my birthday's in smack middle of summer and everyone's always away for vacation then). I never really got gifts from people other than my family, so I don't even care about that! I just grew up like that. So the only thing that I do slightly care about is just being acknowledged that it is my birthday from my those that are really close to me. It just shows that they care and it would make anyone feel good that their friend said a simple happy birthday text! Better than NOT getting anything.

So yeah, I think you can see where this is going... I had my phone go off all day with texts and facebook notification shit from various people just wishing me a happy birthday. Some sparked a new conversation which made me really happy because I haven't talked to those people in a really long time. But by the end of the day, there were a lot of people that didn't say anything. And I thought that they were close to me... Like, I consider them amazing friends that I can just rush over to them in any situation when it came kind of friends.

And... it just showed me that maybe they really didn't care. And I KNOW it's not because they're busy or anything. For example, among my closet friends back in school, there's one that almost never texts me because he's just that quiet kind of guy, but he told me more than just a simple happy birthday wish, which really surprised me!  And in that same group of friends, a few didn't say anything... And they're expecting me to go to their birthday party next weekend? mmmm

I'm not trying to make a big deal out of it, but it does disappoint me especially since this year I didn't do anything AT ALL and all I just wanted was a simple 'hi'. I didn't even get a cake LOL

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So, do I plan to do something for my birthday? Nope.

If anything, I just want my sisters and my cousin to eat and drink in a cafe for hours. I can wait a bit after my date of birth for that. I've always been waiting anyway, so it won't hurt.

And I'm still very grateful for all of those that did say happy birthday to me! It shows that they care and it means a lot to me :)